Yesterday I posted a blog post the stress of a breakup. I wrote it a few months ago when feelings were raw. Reading it now so much has changed. I can barely recognise the person I was then.

The change happened about a couple of months ago. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried. I had gone through a period of crying a lot. I was fine with clients, but when I was alone with my thoughts it got tough.
I was spending a lot of time with my family, but as my social life has developed I’ve focused more on my new life, rather than revisiting the past.

I’ve come to terms with the decision and I’m happy that it was the right thing to do.

I’m focusing more on the road ahead rather than where I’ve been.
We can get through a change, and for different people the timescales will be different. I’ve met people who are still processing things after a couple of years. Others seem to skip any transition and are straight into action.

I’m happy with the way things are changing.
I’m happy that I’ve had and continue to have counselling to work through the change and how to move forward.
I’m glad that I’m focusing on developing interests and making friends. I’ve already got some good female friends and I love that we will phone and chat and meet for a drink and have fun. It’s something that has been missing in my life.
I’ve also done the first of 2 sessions of my Divorce Recovery Workshop where we work in a small group to discuss different topics. One which resonates is that we are responsible for our own happiness.

We can’t expect anyone else to make us happy.
I think too many people are looking for happiness from others and I know that has been true for me too.
Both from this course and articles I have read I know that:

We must first be happy with ourselves, to be happy with our life. To live our life as if we were never to have another relationship. Then we are more likely to find happiness with someone else.
I’m keen to develop my single life, I want to find out who I am because it has been hidden for so long. I’m looking forward to finding it.

Looking at what I wrote last time

  • Loss is not just for the relationship but also for the loss of the dreams and commitments we shared.

But I can create new dreams, I have the rest of my life ahead of me to do what’s right for me. I don’t need the big house and can be happy wherever I am.

  • The uncertainty is high. How will my life work out?

A few months ago, I was worried; I’m much happier now. I’ve made friends and am developing confidence to do things on my own too. I had wanted to get to know myself first and I’m definitely doing that.

  • I’ve been trying to lose the weight I gained

That didn’t work but this past week I’m better placed mentally this past week and focused on losing a stone by Christmas.

  • I do tend to work hard as a way of avoiding difficulties

Now there is so much going on in my life and I am not working as long, and I am working smarter.

  • I had counselling sessions at the start of the break-up.

These sessions have been helpful, and I expect them to continue to help me to understand more about who I am.

I’d love to know if any of this resonates with you, any comments are welcome, either on my blog, or, if more personal feel free to email me.

 

Image by DarkmoonArt_de from Pixabay

Published On: October 16th, 2018 / Categories: Relationships /

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Denise Taylor

Chief Inspiration Officer, The 50 Plus Coach.